#35 Limited Time Offer

Joe was a good man. He went out of his way to help others, did mitzvot, and tried to live his life according to scripture.

One night, about 1 AM, he sat reclined in his chair watching television. He’d been doing that a lot lately, as his run of luck hadn’t quite been so good. Work was slow, his son, Mordechai, had fallen into a group of teens he wasn’t too fond of, and his mamma had been in the hospital for several days recovering from an infection. Joe had seen worse times, he was sure, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember when.

He’d almost fallen asleep when he heard the booming voice come out of the TV.

“Limited Time Offer Joe!”, it announced. Hearing his name, Joe opened his eyes and saw that the picture, normally a bit choppy, was crystal clear. Standing before him was a man dressed in a white tuxedo, smiling.

“No Joe, you’re not asleep – this isn’t a dream – it’s the offer of a lifetime! Your lifetime!”, the man said with a sincere smile.

Joe was speechless. His television was talking to him! He was certain he was asleep.

“I told you Joe, you’re not sleeping!”, the man said. Joe mustered up the courage to speak.

“If I’m not sleeping, then how do you know my name? Is this some sort of joke?”, Joe said. He looked around the room for any cameras that might be pointed at him, but he found none in the small living room.

“I know everyone’s name Joe”, the man responded, “And I don’t play jokes, you know that”. Joe was shocked. A man who knows everyone’s name, doesn’t play jokes, wears white, and can talk to one through their television set. Joe was speechless.

“Yes Joe, I have many names, and much to offer you”, the man said. He looked at Joe as someone looking at an old friend. “Times are tough, and I know you just want to do what is right for yourself, your family, and your community, Joe”, the man said. “And that’s all I want for you as well. I came here tonight to offer my help”.

Joe was still having a hard time putting together words, but could sense that the man could somehow read his mind. The man waited a moment, smiled, and began.

“But Joe, this is a limited time offer – I’ve come here tonight to help you and, if you want, give you a tremendous gift, but you’ll need to start speaking if you want to accept it”. Joe listened carefully, and realized he would need to string together another sentence.

“I’m listening, and I’m open to your gift”, Joe said, proud of himself that he’d gotten two thoughts out in one sentence.

“Joe, I know you want to help people, and sometimes, you don’t know how. Take Mordechai for example”, the man said as he sat down in a chair, a table next to it had a picture of Moredechai, framed, sitting on it. The picture was from when he was younger, and not as troubled. Joe was happy to see the picture, it brought back happy memories.

“Moredechai has been through a lot lately Joe, and he doesn’t even know what he wants in life. But the gift I have to offer to you today could help him – it could help everyone, and you’ll be the instrument of my aid”, the man proclaimed. “Joe, I want to give you the ability to know a man’s wants and desires just by looking at them”. The man stopped, letting the words slip into Joe’s mind.

“Know what they want?”, Joe replied, meekly.

“Yes”, said the man, “Even if they don’t know what they want, you can help them discover it, help your fellow man!”.

Joe sat there for a moment and pondered. The man adjusted his position in the chair and as he waited, looked to the side of the screen.

“Joe – I’m going to go attend to another matter for a moment, think about what I’m offering”, the man said as he walked off the screen. Joe could hear muffle voices to the side, the man asking another person something about Joe. But Joe couldn’t make out the reply. The man came back into frame with a renewed vigor.

“Joe, like I said, this is a limited time offer”, he said with a smile.

“I don’t mean to disrespect you”, Joe began, “But I don’t want to take your offer”.

The man stood there for a moment, and then softened his face and spoke.

“I know it’s a big responsibility Joe, but think of the people you can help. You can give up working in an area where work is scarce and do good works by helping others”, he said. “I know you just want to help others, and this is how you can do it.”

Joe could sense the man’s disappointment. He knew that he was being given a once-in-his-lifetime offer, and he did want to help his fellow man. But something nagged at him, and he had no idea what it was. Was it responsibility, as the man suggested, or something else. Joe was unsure, and the man could sense it.

“Joe, I don’t want to rush you”, the man said, “I just know that you’ve been a faithful servant – through thick and thin, good and bad, and I want to reward you for that”. The man sat in his chair once more. This time the picture in the frame changed from Mordechai to Mamma, when she was younger, healthier.

“Soon your Mamma will be coming home”, the man said, “to her home above. You could use your gift to make her last earthly dreams come true. I know you have the power to use your gift wisely, and that you won’t use it for foolish purposes. What do you say Joe?” The man waited for a reply.

“What about those beyond help?”, Joe said.

“What do you mean, Joe?”, the man asked.

“What about those who have wants that I can’t fulfill. Those who want to hurt others, or take from others”, Joe was amazed that he could put together the words coming out of his mouth. He felt a jolt of energy, but it was risky to challenge the man.

“Those people aren’t of your concern Joe – they are lost. Think of those you can help, and think of how much people will respect you when you give that help”, the man said as he rose from his chair. Joe sat across from the screen, and thought about his choice.

“Joe, now is the time to make up your mind”, the man said. “This is a limited time offer, about to expire”. His voice began to get louder to Joe.

“Respect me? Wouldn’t that lead to pride?”, Joe said.

“You take the gift now or never Joe, I’m not going to give you the option again”, the man was nearly yelling. The more intense he got, the more sure of himself Joe became.

“No, now be gone from here”, Joe said confidently.

The television blinked off. A moment later the phone rang. Joe looked at the clock – it was past 2 AM. Who could be calling him this late?

“Hello?”, Joe said into the phone.

“You made the right choice. The evil in men’s hearts would have led you to temptation. The pride of the gift would have ruined any man”, the voice at the other end of the phone said. “You shall not further be tested”. The line went dead.

Joe sat there, and while he was not tired, a peace came over him, and the next thing he knew, it was morning. He looked about and realized that Mordechai hadn’t come home last night, an increasingly regular ritual. It was 8:15 when the phone rang.

“Hello?”, Joe said.

“Joe”, Mamma’s voice was weak, but firm, “You’ll never believe who came to see me last night”.

“Who?”

“Mordechai – he came in about 2 AM and said something told him to come spend time with me instead of those kids he’d been with. He just left to come over to your place. He said he had to apologize, but he wouldn’t tell me why”. Joe was shocked as he heard his mother’s words.

“That’s amazing Mamma”, Joe said “How are you feeling today?”.

“I’m doing well. The doctor came in around 7 and told me that I’m getting better. I should be out of here in a few days”.

Joe talked a bit more to his mother and then they hung up. He was shocked. Not only had Mordechai visited his grandmother in the hospital, but her health was improving. How could that be? It was…

Joe stopped himself just short of using the word “miracle”.

Mordechai came into the house with the newspaper. They talked for almost an hour, Mordechai apologizing, Joe forgiving, and both catching up on the past year’s events. As it came time for Mordechai to get some rest before he went to work later that day, he looked at his father and spoke.

“You know Dad, you haven’t asked me why I changed my mind about my life”.

“I figured you’d tell me when you were ready, and I have a few clues about it myself anyway”, Joe said with a smile.

“I can’t explain it myself Dad, so if you have clues, I’d love to hear them. At some point last night I just realized that what I was doing was hurting people, including myself. As soon as I made the decision to leave and go see Grandma, I knew things were going to get better for all of us”, Mordechai said as he leaned down to hug his father who was still sitting in his chair.

“I think you’re right – things are going to get better”, Joe said as Mordechai left the room.

Author’s Note: I left the name of the son/daughter in the story up to a Facebook friend, who chose Mordechai in honor of upcoming Purim.

[SSDay]

#34 A Literal World

“Ouch! That burned a bit”, Amiee said as she felt a warm heat on the back of her neck.

“What was that”, she asked her friend Mary.

“Dragonfly, probably”, Mary responded. “Sometimes their fire breath gets a bit intense!”.

About an hour earlier, Amiee had walked along minding her own business when a rock appeared out of nowhere and tripped her (Amiee wasn’t exactly the most careful person in the world, so it’s possible the rock was there the whole time, and she simply failed to adjust her course). Mary found her a few moments later, unconscious. Since she woke up, after having only been unconscious for a minute, things started getting strange.

“What happened?”, Mary asked as she peered at the wound on Amiee’s forehead.

“I must have tripped”, Amiee responded.

“Well, we’d better get that cleaned out”, Mary said as she guided Amiee toward her home. Her mother, Mrs. Black, came outside as the girls approached.

“What happened!?! Did anyone else see her trip? What’s going on?”, she asked, and Amiee let Mary explain the short story of it. Amiee couldn’t help but notice that something was different about Mrs. Black. She was moving from side to side, as if she couldn’t keep comfortable in her own skin. As they were washing out the cut, Mary spoke of her mother.

“Sorry about Mom – she always needs to be about everyone’s business. She means well though”. Mary said. Once they finished up, they returned to the park where they’d both been walking. It was there that Amiee saw the strangest bird. It appeared to be wearing a black hat and cloak. Why would a bird be wearing clothing?

“Look at that bird”, Amiee exclaimed.

“What? It’s just a mourning dove”, Mary said as she glanced at the animal.

“But why is he wearing black clothing?”, Amiee said. She was relieved when Mary failed to respond with something challenging her view of the bird.

“Well because he’s a mourning dove, silly! Never have quite understood whom they mourn for though.”, Mary said in reply.

Amiee was amazed, and while she stood there thinking, Mary pulled her to the side as a whooshing sound was heard, and the wind swished by them. Amiee saw something flash past, multiple colors and sounds intermingling, but she couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Those boys always rush through here like a freight train”, Mary said. Amiee was astounded – they certainly had. What was going on here? How did one small trip change the world into a place where there was no such thing as a figure of speech, everything was literally as it sounded.

“Mary”, Amiee began, “Did anything out of the ordinary happen while I was unconscious”.

“No, not that I can think of”, Mary said. “You hit your head and cut it, and were out for a moment or two. Nothing happened here”.

“But everything that we talk about is literally occurring”, Amiee said.

“Of course it is – it would be strange if I had told you something different from what was really happening, right?”, Mary replied.

“No – it’s hard to explain Mary, but before I hit my head, I was in a world where we used language differently – we spoke about things using examples. The mourning dove was named because of its call similar to a cry – not because he was really in mourning”, Amiee said.

Mary looked at her for a moment, trying to figure out what was wrong with her friend.

“I think we should go to the hospital”, Mary said, and Amiee reluctantly agreed. As they walked into the emergency room, Amiee slumped over in her friend’s arms, and the attendants took her quickly into examination.

“Amiee”, a voice said as Amiee opened her eyes and began to focus. It was her mother.

“Mrs. Black called me and told me that you were here – I drove like lightning to get here”. Amiee was relieved that she didn’t see any visible scorch marks on her mother.

“Mom… my head hurts”, Amiee said.

“I know it does sweetie, but it will get better. You were out for about 10 minutes, and it had us very worried when you were groggy for so long. You had a fever, but that seems to have broken now”. her mother explained.

“What happened?”, Amiee asked.

“When you hit your head and cut yourself, you stumbled into a bush. Apparently you’re allergic to something in it, and the cut made the allergy even worse.”, her mother said.

“Mom, do fireflies breathe fire?”, Amiee asked.

“Of course they don’t, honey”, her mother chuckled.

“Language is weird”, Amiee said, as she smiled at her mom.

[SSDay]

#33 Eeek!

“Eeek!”, the author exclaimed.

“What is it?”, was said in reply.

“I didn’t write my story for today yet”, was all she heard as he flew to his computer.

“Now what can I write about…”, he said, as visions of sugar plums and dynamite, cannons and catnip, dragons and bagpipes, and all other forms of fancy arrived into his consciousness.

“But should it be serious?”, he thought as he banished the humor from his brain. Proverbs and wisdom, wit and thoughtfulness fluttered into the fingers. Maybe he should write about how life is short, or how self-imposed problems are long, or how annoying car alarms are when you’re trying to write.

“Light-hearted fiction” he thought, as he envisioned a story entitled “99 ways to murder that guy who can’t keep his car alarm from going off during my writing”, or perhaps one called “How to get your cat to stop biting your toes while you sleep”. Oh the possibilities could be endless – or had he used that phrase before in this story? Sugar plums? No, he’d definitely used that before. At least he didn’t write “sugar plus”, which he caught just in the nick of time. Otherwise one might think he was writing ad copy for the latest sugar substitute.

“But what should it be about? I have an audience to entertain”, he mused. “Perhaps they won’t notice if I blow off one night. Maybe they’ll be too entertained with Jim the Bunny and Jabberpaw and all those dark depressing stories I’ve written in the past few weeks to notice that #33 is phoned int!”. The plan began to take shape in his mind. He’d rush to his computer and just type any darn thing that came to his fingers. His 1 or 2 faithful readers wouldn’t notice – and if they did, maybe they’d be entertained, or at least bemused.

“Well, it’s not like they’re paying anything for it”, he said as he comforted himself. He’d come up with a better, more fleshed out idea tomorrow, he assured himself. Until then, they’d just have to deal with this quickly conceived and ill-designed short work of semi-fiction!

[SSDay]

Science & Engineering are Cool

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In the city this wonderful Sunday morning to judge the prelims at the New York Science and Engineering Fair.

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Should be fun. We’re about to get our ‘orientation’, so I guess I’d better listen up!

#32 A Happy Story

Tony couldn’t believe his eyes – all the numbers matched. He’d won the lottery on the same day that his wife came back and his dog survived a near-fatal disease! This really capped off a stellar week – it had only been a few days since his estranged daughter phoned to tell him that she forgave him, that she’d gotten married, and that she had just given birth to twins that Tony absolutely had to come meet. Especially since her activist husband was in Europe accepting a Nobel prize, and she needed someone to look after the twins while she attended a few board meetings.

It’s hard to believe, but Tony didn’t always have this sort of luck. Previously he’d suffered some extreme setbacks in his life, all of which I could write about but they’d just annoy you and make you sad. Isn’t it a lot better if I just focus a bit more on how totally awesome and great Tony’s life had become? I mean, the man was now a multimillionaire with an awesome family, a magical dog, and professional fulfillment (Oh how careless of me – I forgot to mention that he was bought the lottery ticket after attending the launch party for his new business). Yep, life was great for Tony.

Author’s Note: I can write happy stories… I just don’t tend to since they’re pretty bland!

[SSDay]

#31 To Do List

The list grows long and short again
I wish it would be gone some days
It makes one long for the time when
I simply sought relaxing ways

But now it’s ever near me
Shorter and longer it forms
Checking items is the key
Keeping away from life’s storms.

[SSDay]

#30 Reset

There was a time when the reset button wasn’t known to Rob. Reset buttons were a fairly new invention, only appearing within the past 10 years to the select few who could afford them, lived in a country that allowed them, and weren’t afraid to use them.

The Synapse company produced the units, under an incredibly long and hard to remember name. When they hit the street, they were called reset buttons. They were originally designed to be used in lab environments in studies of memory, learning, and perception. The premise of the device was simple. Place on the forehead of the person and press the scan button, ask them to think about earlier events, such as the task they just learned, or the person they’d just met, and lock the device in. Press the “remove” button and those memories would be gone. Technically not erased, but suppressed to great extent. They could be retrieved again, with the device’s aid, if needed. However on the street, no one ever retrieved memories. They simply axed them away for a lifetime. Soon the corners formerly occupied by drug dealers and ladies of the evening were occupied by bookish looking people, willing to “reset” anyone for a fee. Bad dates could be forgotten, as could horrendous days, and even giant events such as the loss of a loved one. It took mere seconds, and you were back to baseline. Reset, and happy.

Rob hadn’t ever entertained the use of one before his mother died. Now thinking of her death plagued him night and day. He researched what the process would be like on the Internet, and the general consensus was that he would remember his mother, and be aware that she wasn’t around, but wouldn’t specifically know where she went, or how horribly she’d died. Rob felt the slight absent-mindedness would be worth the confusion, so he sought out the nerd on the corner, and slipped him a roll of 20’s.

“Think about the events”, the man said as he put the device up to Rob’s forehead, after cleaning off the business end with an alcohol wipe.

“Ah, it’s got a strong signal – must be the death of a loved one huh? Or maybe a divorce?”, the man said as he pressed the magic button.

“All done”, he said as he removed the device and walked away. Rob was left standing there, dazed but otherwise fine. He slowly began to remember that he’d come here to have something reset from his mind. Of course he couldn’t remember what that was. Since he was at a loss for what he wanted gone, he assumed that the process had gone correctly. He walked away.

Six months later he returned. This time it was to remove the break up he had experienced with his wife. She couldn’t work through losing her mother-in-law, which of course perplexed Rob. Sure it was odd she wasn’t around, and he missed her, but he couldn’t understand why her long trip was so upsetting to Reneé. They fought, she left, and he cried. He couldn’t live with that. A roll of 20’s later, and he had forgotten all about it. He knew he was single, and that he’d had a relationship that ended, but knew not why, nor cared. It was as if the beautiful machine had simply erased away the memory, smudging around the edges of his mind as to leave a nice smooth edge. No worries, no pain.

It was around the 5th visit to the reset man that he realized he should just purchase one of the machines. It was marvelous how easy it was to live a happier life. He stockpiled his rolls of 20’s and eventually found one, and found friends willing to help him use it.

About the 20th use was the first time he realized he could use it to help him forget how often he had to use it. Use 21 felt just like use 1 – he just couldn’t figure out why he would own something and have never tried it.

And so it was, for years and years. Each painful memory pushed out of consciousness, avoided, removed. All went fine until the day he asked his son to help him. How could he have known that the boy was so mad at him for being so happy. The last thing he remembered before his mind became a twisted sorrow of existence was his son pressing the wrong button. Not ‘reset’, but ‘restore all’.

Author’s Note: A certain reader tells me that I tend to write dark stories. Sorry that this one does indeed fit that description. But perhaps in its timeless message of ‘be careful what you wish for’, one might think harder about how not only do our triumphs make us who we are – so do our sorrows.

[SSDay]

What is Jon’s “Short Story A Day?”

List Updated Through #70!

For the past month two and a half months I’ve been posting a variety of original stories and poems here. If you aren’t a regular visitor, you probably haven’t noticed them since I haven’t published them to Twitter or any other network. But since we’ve gotten to the 1 month mark (even if it is a small month), I figured I’d unveil them to the public.

We’ve got 29 stories so far, if you want to check them out. A few focus on a cast of recurring characters that live in the Woods, a few are serious, and some are quite odd poems. Here’s a quick roadmap based on grouping. Enjoy!

The Jim The Bunny Series

The Stories

The Poems, Drawings, and Other Stuff!

There you have it – the first month. I do have a goal in mind for how many Short Stories of the Day to write. But for the immediate future, feel free to check back here regularly to see what new things I’ve written in the series. I’d love to hear your comments as well!

Update! We’re now up to 70(!) stories, many more than the 29 I wrote about in February! Here’s the new items!

The Jim The Bunny Series

The Stories

The Poems

#29 Leap Day

Jim the Bunny hopped everywhere. He hopped to his rabbit hole at night, he hopped out in the morning, and then hopped around all day. He hopped to his job as a Bunny Knitter, and he hopped to his part-time DJ’ing gigs on the weekend. He hopped repeatedly, rapidly, quickly, furiously, and furriously. The point is, he hopped everywhere.

So imagine his surprise the day in the Woods when everyone hopped. He’d never seen anything like it in his 3.75 years of life. Every animal, from Bob the Turtle to Jay and Kay the sheep, even Jabberpaw, was hopping all over the place. The only one who wasn’t hopping was Sylvester, the snake. He bopped his head up and down a bit as he slithered along, but no hopping.

“Hey Syl, what’s up – what’s with all the hopping today?”, Jim asked his snake friend.

“It’s Leap Day, stupid!”, Sylvester said with a hiss.

“What’s that?”, Jim said incredulously.

“It’s some weird day that only shows up every 4 years. Someone heard about it on the Internet and introduced it to us Woods residents about 20 years ago. We’re not exactly sure what it is, but every 1460 days or so we decide it’s time to hop around for a day. For all we know, it’s the only reason this place hasn’t gone up in a full-on forest fire.”, Sylvester explained.

“So you do something that makes no sense to you, to avoid a threat you aren’t even sure would happen, at an arbitrary time?” Jim asked.

“Yea, that sounds about right”, Sylvester said as he bopped his head up and down.

“If I wanted to that, I’d just join a religion!”, Jim said as he hopped away.

Author’s Note: Religion is great if it has meaning to you. Going through the motions, however, leads one to more confusion than satisfaction!

[SSDay]

#28 Changes

“Wow, I didn’t see that coming”. That was the line of interior dialog that Martha kept hearing, rolling around her head like a marble trapped in a jar. She hadn’t expected it all to turn out this way. She felt confident that things would have gone differently, but years from now she knew she would look back and see the event as inevitable. The culmination of a lifetime of struggles, hardships, excitements, victories, actions and inactions. Now she couldn’t believe it had happened, but farther off she knew it would all make sense. For now though, the world had changed around her, and she began the process of putting it all together as she could now comprehend it.

She only had one question – why was she so sure things would never change? She saw her previous self relying on the static world, and wondered why she didn’t appreciate it more while she had it. After all, she lived like she would have time forever, and it wasn’t until the heart attack today that she realized she didn’t.

[SSDay]