One day, Jim the Bunny was hopping along in the forest when he came upon a large cave entrance. Inside the cave was the sound of some light snoring, and Jim correctly deduced that Jabberpaw the Bear was fast asleep. Jim knew he had to act.
You see, Jabberpaw had just about the best home theatre system in the entire forest. It got practically every channel known to man, and Jabberpaw being the addict he is to movies, had every streaming service as well as a massive DVD library.
Jabberpaw was also pretty selfish, and hardly ever invited anyone over to watch anything, so Jim saw his chance and didn’t hesitate. He crept in, put a pair of earmuffs over Jabberpaw’s head, and watched The Matrix in surround sound. Twice.
“Well, guess I should be getting my bunny behind back home”, Jim said with a sigh. As he left, he took Jabberpaw’s earmuffs off, and crept out. On the way back to his hole, he noticed Bob the Turtle, and being still sore at Bob for nearly stiffing him for lunch, he hopped on over to give him some grief.
“Hey green head, what’s up”, Jim said.
“Don’t start with me Jim”, said Bob, “I’ve had a long day”.
“A long day for you is an sixteenth-mile walk”, Jim retorted.
“Yea, but today was even worse. I got news that Jabberpaw’s been downloading torrents again, and I think I’m gonna have to surrender his records to the MPAA”, said Bob. Bob ran the local ISP, TurtleNet, which despite it’s name, actually consistently scored as the fastest Internet available in the forest.
“Uh… yea” said Jim. He couldn’t let on that he downloaded about a dozen movies while at Jabber’s place, which he had discretely hidden in his Lucky Rabbit’s Foot USB drive (No one ever noticed that Jim had 5 feet at times).
“Worse yet, he’s gonna get TurtleNet blacklisted if he keeps this up, so I’m gonna have to cancel his account”.
Without TurtleNet, Jabberpaw would be forced to use RodentWire, a competitor known for horrendous reliability. Jabberpaw would be angry, and would likely find out it was Jim who set him up for failure.
“Uh… Bob… say, how about giving Jabberpaw another chance?”, Jim said slyly.
“Why should I?” said Bob.
“Well, because ole Jabber can be pretty mean when he’s angry”, said Jim.
“I got protection Jim, don’t you worry about me”. Said Bob as he tapped the bottom of his shell with his foot.
Briefly Jim wondered what Bob meant by “protection”, and also wondered if he should antagonize Bob anymore after this conversation. So Jim did the only thing he could do. He left Bob to go visit Sylvester the Snake.
Sylvester slept at the bottom of the apple tree, fittingly, and stirred slightly as he heard Jim hop up.
“What do you want Jim”, Sylvester hissed.
“I need you to pull a job for me man, right quick – you still got access to TurtleNet’s servers?”. Syl had done some work for Bob years back, and could still access the systems when needed.
“Yessss. What do you need?” Sylvester asked. Syl was all business, he never asked why.
“I need you to change the logs from today, pin the torrent downloading on someone other than Jabberpaw. Maybe see if any of those annoying flies have accounts – pin it on them?”, said Jim.
“How much can you pay”, Sylvester said.
“How much do you want?”, Jim replied.
“$200 should be enough”, Sylvester said. Jim balked, but then again, it was either $200 or Jabberpaw’s revenge. He quickly fished out the money from his rubber-banded money roll.
“Fine, you crook”, Jim said. “Just make sure you get it done”.
As Sylvester slithered off, Jim contemplated his life. Briefly. Then he went home and watched the movies he’d downloaded.
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