Yesterday I watched Cinderella for the first time in 20 years. Here’s a list of 25 questions or comments I’d ask Walt Disney regarding this film…
- So it’s bad that Cinderella is a servant, but it’s apparently OK to exploit talking animals for slave labor?
- Who names anything Lucifer?!?
- How does a mouse get enough lower-body strength to kick a cat that hard?
- Why carry a tray on your head when you have forearms?
- Let me get this straight – the King is mad that the prince is avoiding his responsibilities… and his only responsibility is to have kids so the King can play with them? The king has mental issues.
- Why don’t those slave laborer mice and birds help with the house cleaning?
- Jaq the super mouse can also kick doors closed? What sorts of steroids have these mice been taking?
- The lady mice tell Jaq and Gus to ‘leave the sewing to the women’, which apparently leaves the larceny and vandalism to the men?
- Who builds a chateau with elaborate mice doors in the molding and candelabras? The mice obviously didn’t build them – they appear part of the original construction!
- At the beginning, we’re lead to believe Cinderella makes the mice their nice little mice clothes (and presumably the clothes for the birds as well). Really though her greatest gift to them is modesty? Why do animals need to wear clothes around her anyway?
- Fairy godmother cuts off Cinderella as she says “You’re my…” with “Fairy godmother? Yes”. So the existence of fairy godmothers is known in these parts? I’d be a lot angrier at FG that she just now showed up after being tortured by my family for years.
- How do spiral wheels turn anyway?
- Where does the Grand Duke get that Monocole Yoyo?
- Wow – if the prince doesn’t propose and marry a girl after seeing her once, the King is going to KILL THE GRAND DUKE. Let that set in – this guy is clearly not in his right mind.
- In all the singing about love, Cinderella never thinks to mention her name?
- At the stroke of 12, Cinderella goes “It’s midnight”, to which the prince replies “You can’t leave, it’s…” It’s what? Early? This guy is going to try to make the argument that midnight isn’t late? Player.
- The Grand Duke calls after Cinderella, calling her Mademoiselle (makes sense, they’re in France, even though they’re speaking English), and then calling her Señorita?!? Does he really think she might have been Spanish?
- That clock takes forever to ring 12 times.
- Magical footwear is apparently immune to time constraints AND unique to the wearer!
- Walt, let’s have a talk about the appropriate size of doors and beds, OK?
- Why is the King such a deranged pimp? He lights multiple cigars simultaneously with a candelabra!
- Wow, the King really was going to kill the Duke. Harsh!
- Amazing how that dog we only saw twice saves the day!
- An evil stepsister calls the royal “shoe checker” “of all the stupid little idiots” – if not getting the Prince married off is punishable by death, shouldn’t insulting the royal delegation also be somewhat severe?
- Apparently the Duke has a supply of those yoyo monocles – where can I get one?
