Essentials of Being A Geek

In addition to an academic, I also consider myself a “geek“. But am I really one? It seems according to BuzzFeed, I don’t make the cut. However I cite the following:

  • I have a love of learning in depth information on a variety of subjects.
  • I independently seek out new items to geek over, since I know if I took everyone’s suggestion, I’d probably be very unproductive (for example, I’ve been avoiding Doctor Who for a few years now since I have a feeling I’d probably fall hard for it)
  • I own more gadgets than everyone in my family combined.
  • I consider building VoIP phone systems, creating new software products, and configuring network services on my home network “leisure” activities.

Yet when I took the BuzzFeed quiz a few weeks go, it told me that I was barely geeky. Surely, the BuzzFeed article must be wrong! Upon closer inspection…

  • The first 40 items relate reading comic books
  • The second 40 refer to playing traditional ‘geek’ games, like D&D, Magic, etc…
  • Then a giant chunk on gaming, tabletop and video
  • Around question 140 we get to books (Oddly Star Wars books are mentioned, but not Star Trek)
  • For about 100 questions we cover Science Fiction franchises.
  • Around question 237 we hit computers, and cover them for only 30 questions.
  • The remainder hits academia (Because us academics are geeks now, thanks probably to The Big Bang Theory),  and science.

It’s interesting to me that the BuzzFeed staff seems to have a bit of a skewed idea of what a “geek” does. Most the list (80%) focuses on consumption of content, versus creation of content. I suspect though that the ‘geekiest’ among us probably are more than passive absorbers of material. How do you fix the list? In my opinion, weigh the “create” items heavier than the “consume” items, but that is just my geeky opinion! What’s yours?

Diagram By: Duncan Hull

25 Questions to Ask Walt Disney after Watching Cinderella

Yesterday I watched Cinderella for the first time in 20 years. Here’s a list of 25 questions or comments I’d ask Walt Disney regarding this film…

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  1. So it’s bad that Cinderella is a servant, but it’s apparently OK to exploit talking animals for slave labor?
  2. Who names anything Lucifer?!?
  3. How does a mouse get enough lower-body strength to kick a cat that hard?
  4. Why carry a tray on your head when you have forearms?
  5. Let me get this straight – the King is mad that the prince is avoiding his responsibilities… and his only responsibility is to have kids so the King can play with them? The king has mental issues.
  6. Why don’t those slave laborer mice and birds help with the house cleaning?
  7. Jaq the super mouse can also kick doors closed? What sorts of steroids have these mice been taking?
  8. The lady mice tell Jaq and Gus to ‘leave the sewing to the women’, which apparently leaves the larceny and vandalism to the men?
  9. Who builds a chateau with elaborate mice doors in the molding and candelabras? The mice obviously didn’t build them – they appear part of the original construction!
  10. At the beginning, we’re lead to believe Cinderella makes the mice their nice little mice clothes (and presumably the clothes for the birds as well). Really though her greatest gift to them is modesty? Why do animals need to wear clothes around her anyway?
  11. Fairy godmother cuts off Cinderella as she says “You’re my…” with “Fairy godmother? Yes”. So the existence of fairy godmothers is known in these parts? I’d be a lot angrier at FG that she just now showed up after being tortured by my family for years.
  12. How do spiral wheels turn anyway?
  13. Where does the Grand Duke get that Monocole Yoyo?
  14. Wow – if the prince doesn’t propose and marry a girl after seeing her once, the King is going to KILL THE GRAND DUKE. Let that set in – this guy is clearly not in his right mind.
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  15. In all the singing about love, Cinderella never thinks to mention her name?
  16. At the stroke of 12, Cinderella goes “It’s midnight”, to which the prince replies “You can’t leave, it’s…” It’s what? Early? This guy is going to try to make the argument that midnight isn’t late? Player.
  17. The Grand Duke calls after Cinderella, calling her Mademoiselle (makes sense, they’re in France, even though they’re speaking English), and then calling her Señorita?!? Does he really think she might have been Spanish?
  18. That clock takes forever to ring 12 times.
  19. Magical footwear is apparently immune to time constraints AND unique to the wearer!
  20. Walt, let’s have a talk about the appropriate size of doors and beds, OK?
  21. Why is the King such a deranged pimp? He lights multiple cigars simultaneously with a candelabra!
  22. Wow, the King really was going to kill the Duke. Harsh!
  23. Amazing how that dog we only saw twice saves the day!
  24. An evil stepsister calls the royal “shoe checker” “of all the stupid little idiots” – if not getting the Prince married off is punishable by death, shouldn’t insulting the royal delegation also be somewhat severe?
  25. Apparently the Duke has a supply of those yoyo monocles – where can I get one?

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Magical Tech Support

Once every few weeks I get a personal request for computer help or troubleshooting. And about 50% of the time, the person starts to show me the issue only to have it not appear. They then exclaim “but it wasn’t working a few minutes ago!” or “Oh wait… that’s the problem!”. I literally don’t say a word, and the problem is fixed.

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Afterward I usually make some comment about computers being scared of me, fearing my wrath and thus ‘shaping up’ when I’m called in. I also reassure the person that I don’t think they are crazy – I believe they had a problem. Some of the most vexing problems are the transient ones that pop up, annoy the user, and go away just as mysteriously as they came. And the magical force of Jon is not always permanent – sometimes problems do come back since they never really went away in the first place.

But in that golden time where the solution is immediately clear or the problem vanishes, I’ll gladly appear supremely awesome.