#43 If Pets Could Talk

If Pets Could Talk…

Dog: 

“OMG you’re home! I’m so happy to see you. I did so much today while you were away! It might not seem like much, but they were a thousand little victories and I will share each one with you! Wait… don’t go away… keep playing with me! Hey – is that FOOD? You gotta hook me up with some of that man – really – it looks SO TASTY! You won’t give me the food? OK then… I guess that’s cool… even though I REALLY WANT IT. Anyway, back to my day. First I chased something, then I caught something, then I dug around, then I….”

Fish:

“Why do you keep me in this glass prison? What lies beyond this great forcefield? And why is my little castle surrounded by multicolored rocks? Couldn’t the decorator pick out one color? Oh no, not those stupid flakes again… guess I’ll grab some.”

Hamster:

“Good god you’re huge… thankfully I’ve got these tubes to crawl into. Can you spare something wood-based for me to chew on? Don’t worry, I won’t get fat – I got this squeaky wheel I can run in at midnight”.

Bird:

“I like flying – why don’t you let me out more? Sorry I leave my droppings everywhere – it’s just sorta my thing. If you play the same sound for me over and over, I might start imitating it – however I’ll want to poke your eyes out for making me listen to it so much. Now open the window so I can talk to my friends”

Horse:

“Just so you know, if I ever break my leg, I’m not telling you. I’ve heard things…”

Cat:

“We will only converse when I want to. And right now I have some important sleeping to do. I’ll be back later when you’re busy and we’ll talk then.”

Guinea Pig:

“So what if I have a weight problem? Provide me some greens that I might feast on in addition to these ‘pellets’ you so like to feed me. And turn on Wonder Pets, I dig that the Guinea Pig on there is the leader, even if they all do have a combined IQ of 3″

Giraffe:

“Why would you ever keep me as a pet? My neck is sticking out your window, and you really need to re-shingle your roof buddy.”

[SSDay]