The holidays can be a tough time for anyone who’s dealt with trauma—whether it’s family struggles, the loss of loved ones, or simply the weight of personal history. But one thing that struck me recently in a conversation is how often we forget that it can actually be a blessing when someone else doesn’t understand our trauma.
It’s natural to feel frustrated when we share our experiences and the person we’re talking to just doesn’t “get it.” Maybe they look puzzled, or they try to offer advice that doesn’t quite fit because they’ve never had to navigate the same emotional minefields. But here’s the flip side: the fact that they don’t understand means they’ve been fortunate enough not to go through that kind of pain. And while that can create a gap in understanding, it’s also something to be thankful for.
So as we head into the holidays or as we navigate conversations with friends or family who haven’t had to face trauma, let’s try reframing our perspective. Instead of feeling that they should already know what we’ve been through, we can see it as an opportunity to gently explain our experiences. We can be thankful that they haven’t had to endure that kind of hardship and appreciate their willingness to support us, even if they’re learning as they go.
In other words, let’s offer a little grace to those who haven’t walked in our shoes. Let’s be grateful that they haven’t had to face those battles and let’s see it as a chance to build understanding rather than resentment. After all, the holidays are about compassion, connection, and sometimes a little bit of education. Let’s embrace all of that.