May 22, 2022

The Blog of a Chronic Content Creator

Adjectives & Nouns

Last week, for about 3 days, my GTalk status (As well as my AIM status) read the following:

“If you’re reading this, open up a new e-mail and put my address in the To line, a noun in the body, and an adjective in the subject. I’ll write a story about them and send it back to you”. After a few days, I had two responses. Here’s the stories, in case you’re interested:

Story 1: diluvial Cinnamon

Old man Cinnamon knew it would surely be a horrible day as he gazed out across his farm. Earlier in the week his favorite cow, Bessie (a stereotypical cow in name only, as she had a graduate degree in physics, was an expert markswoman, and of course could talk), had lost the state sharpshooting contest when she was disqualified for using performance enhancing grass. Later that night, Bessie drowned in the diluvial lake after smoking way too much weed. Cinnamon was inconsolable, until he heard a shot ring out from the barn and knew that Clucky, his penultimate favorite chicken had decided to take up Bessie’s legacy.

Story 2: Battered Goldfish

Robert Goldfish knew that the evening was sure to be delightful as he entered the mortuary. Bob (as his friends and enemies knew him) was tired but looking forward to the 42 embalmings awaiting him. As he prepared his work area, he read the report on the first deceased. She’d been bludgeoned, beaten, hit, belted, bonked, slapped, swatted, wallopped, chopped, and banged on the head repeatedly in a case of domestic assault, truly a sad case. As the night went on, he grew even more excited at the prospect of finishing the dirty yet somewhat calming work he enjoyed doing only at night, when the direct sunlight would not hit him as he entered and exited the mortuary. As morning rays of light started to peek through the tepid clouds, Mr. Goldfish left the mortuary, went home, and battered up some pork chops for breakfast.

Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have always used the noun as a proper noun… Anyway, if you’re reading this and want your own story, send me an e-mail and put an adjective in the subject and a noun in the body!