The TSA’s Permitted & Prohibited List

If you are travelling via Airplane (a.k.a. flying machine) anytime in the near future, browsing through this page is probably a good idea (or else you’ll hold up the line and someone will yell some nasty thing to you). Anyway, there are quite a few items on this list of things you can and can’t take with you on an airplane, and I just had to write down my thoughts on a few of them:

Allowed Items:

  1. Baby Formula or Breast Milk, if the baby is travelling: Who the heck is taking these things if they don’t have a baby with them?
  2. Life-support and life-sustaining liquids such as bone marrow, blood products, and transplant organs. Note – this is under a section saying that these are permitted in the absence of suspicious activity. Woe be it to anyone needing these life-sustaining things that looks suspicious.
  3. Gel-filled bras and similar prosthetics – Gel-filled bras may be worn through security screening and aboard aircraft. Glad we got that cleared up – I shudder to think about the days the TSA guys need to become bra-inspectors.
  4. Knitting and Crochet Needles. Granny can get feisty with those things!
  5. Jell-O Always room for jell-o

Prohibited Items (i.e. the fun ones):

  1. Ice Picks & Meat Cleavers. Sorry Chefs and Mafia of the world…
  2. Sabers & Swords. Avast Me Hearties
  3. Bows & Arrows, Ski Poles, Cue Sticks. There will be no fun on this plane!
  4. Spear Guns. Who stands at home and thinks “Ya think they’ll have a problem with me and my spear gun?”
  5. Cattle Prods. Sometimes other passengers need a nudge
  6. Stun Guns / Shocking Devices. What exactly is a shocking device? A 400lb woman’s thong could be considered a shocking device
  7. Fireworks. However will I celebrate my arrival?
  8. Realistic Replicas of Incendiaries. I don’t even know where to purchase realistic replicas of incendiaries. Who sells fake gasoline?
  9. Tear Gas. Yea, people carry this around all the time for regular travel purposes…
  10. Snow Globes The little house in the snow storm is actually a terrorist training center!

OK, so obviously some of the items on the list are needed because there is confusion and no one wants to show up with their BIC lighter and hold up the security line for hours and be subjected to random bag checks. However, really, do you need guidance on things such as “Firearms”, “Gas Torches”, “Hand Grenades”, etc?? If you’re stupid enough to think these can be taken on a plane, then I wonder how you mustered up the intelligence to buy the ticket!

With that being said, I’m now convinced I have some sort of contra-band somewhere in my two carry-on bags! (Eventhough I’ve read through the list) Fun Flying today for me.

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